her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
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Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
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True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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