you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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