if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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