i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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