I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
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The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
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I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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