My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize