I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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