clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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