I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
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She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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