$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
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Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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