I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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