I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize