I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
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I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
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The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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