Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
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