turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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