My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
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