Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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