yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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