yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
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I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize