Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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