I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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