they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
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How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
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We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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