I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
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Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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