I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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