I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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