peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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