I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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