I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
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I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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