My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize