If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize