1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize