her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
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THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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