I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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