So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
