So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
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I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
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If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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