my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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