I smell stomach acid.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
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I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
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Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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