dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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