They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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