help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
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I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
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Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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