Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
