there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize