i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Is it penis luge time yet?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
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We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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