Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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