I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize