She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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