Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize