maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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