don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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