saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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