Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
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and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
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Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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